


Ripped Apart and Rebuilt

by magnusbicon



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Communication, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hopeful Ending, M/M, batting cage date
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 08:52:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14787353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magnusbicon/pseuds/magnusbicon
Summary: “You want me to do this? But I spent so long doing my hair this morning.” He eyed the helmet, his gaze flitting back and forth between it and Alec’s hair, and ignored Alec’s eye roll.“You always look perfect,” Alec insisted. “Come on. It’ll help, I promise.”





	Ripped Apart and Rebuilt

**Author's Note:**

> I got this idea from Matthew Daddario himself! I'd like to think he'd be proud, but honestly I'm writing this note at 2 am and I have no idea if this is even good, so here's to hoping y'all like it!

“I didn’t know Shadowhunters made a habit of visiting batting cages,” Magnus commented as he watched Alec bend his legs. **  
**

When Alec had suggested going there for their date he hadn’t really been sure what to expect. He had only played baseball a couple times in his life, and he wasn’t exactly the best at it, but watching Alec’s form as he tightened his grip on the bat was good enough proof for him to accept that it was a wonderful idea.

“Izzy dragged me here once when we were younger,” Alec explained, nodding his head as a signal for Magnus to press the button on the remote in his hand. He swung as the ball went flying toward him, a loud clang sounding as it suddenly soared through the air in the opposite direction. “Our parents were being more uptight than usual because a Clave representative was visiting and my father snapped on me in the ops center.”

Another button press, another swing, another hitch of breath in Magnus’ throat at the sight.

“I was angry about everything back then,” Alec continued, a tiny grin on his face as he glanced back at Magnus for a moment. “I was still in the closet, thought I was in love with my parabatai, and convinced that nothing I ever did was good enough.”

Magnus nodded, his arms crossing over his chest as he thought back on the many conversations they’d had about all of that. Neither of them had the easiest start in life by any stretch.

“So your sister thought coming here and hitting balls was the solution to all of those problems?” Magnus teased, earning a surprised laugh from Alec. His boyfriend turned to face him, the smile on his face growing even wider as he slowly stepped closer.

He pulled the helmet off of his head and Magnus’ eyes roamed over his hair, fondness rushing through him at the way it stuck up in a million different directions. He reached forward when Alec was close enough and ran his fingers through the unruly strands, completely failing in tidying it up but feeling calmer all the same. His chest had been aching for weeks due to the absence of his magic, and every time he thought about it too much he felt like he was going to rip apart.

“A solution? No,” Alec murmured, his tone amused but tinted with sincerity. He lifted his free hand to brush his thumb across Magnus’ cheek and Magnus leaned into it, dropping his hands to the nape of Alec’s neck. “It was more like an outlet. There weren’t enough demons in New York for me to take my frustration out on, so she took me here, where I could stay for as long as I wanted until I felt better. Which is why we’re here now.”

He stepped back and held out the helmet to Magnus, an expectant look on his face, and Magnus froze. He had gone there under the assumption that he would be able to sit back and watch while Alec did all the work.

“You want me to do this? But I spent so long doing my hair this morning.” He eyed the helmet, his gaze flitting back and forth between it and Alec’s hair, and ignored Alec’s eye roll.

“You always look perfect,” Alec insisted. “Come on. It’ll help, I promise.” Magnus tilted his head at that, unable to hold back the suggestive grin that pulled at his lips.

“And if you’re wrong?” Alec shot him a mock glare, shaking his head.

“Then,” Alec drawled, his eyes lifting skyward mischievously as he leaned in. His lips brushed against Magnus’ ear as he whispered, and a shiver ran down Magnus’ spine.

“We could do that right now instead,” Magnus suggested, smiling sweetly, but Alec chose not to take the bait.

“Magnus,” he sighed. “I know that you don’t like talking about things like this, and I’m not asking you to, but you need to get all of your anger out somehow. You’ve spent so long shoving your needs down in order to help everyone else. It’s one of the many things that had me falling for you within just a few hours of meeting you. But you need to let yourself feel this- the loss and the pain- or it’s going to eat you alive. You spend so much time running from your past that sooner or later you’re going to trip in the present when you’re not ready, and when that time comes it will be a hell of a lot less pleasant than it would be if you’d just give yourself a head start now.”

Magnus’ vision blurred and he averted his gaze, unable to stand the sincerity in the wide eyes staring back at him. Alec was right, of course. Magnus had been pretending he was totally fine, insisting on busying himself with mundane things he’d never done before in order to distract from the feelings that were building inside of him. He should have been used to Alec seeing right through him by then, should have known that eventually he’d bring it up, but he had hoped he wouldn’t.

Because as soon as he acknowledged all of the things that were tearing him up inside, he acknowledged that he was no longer the man that he used to be. He acknowledged that the Magnus Bane everyone had known him as for centuries no longer existed.

“Hey,” Alec whispered, dropping the helmet and stepping forward to cup Magnus’ face in his hands. “I love you, and I’m sorry if I’m pushing too hard. I just...I know I can’t fix this, but I want to make it better. I want- I  _need_  to help.”

Magnus closed his eyes for a moment, pulling himself together. He could do this. He had been through worse.

“You’re not pushing too hard,” he assured him, opening his eyes and meeting Alec’s own, “and I love you, too.” He bent down to pick the helmet off of the ground and placed it on his head, then accepted the bat that Alec offered him.

They started off slow, allowing him to get accustomed to the speed of the pitches, and eventually he encouraged Alec to keep them coming. As his arms tingled and his muscles burned, he opened the floodgates, putting his brain on autopilot and telling Alec everything he was feeling as he swung again and again, until he was breathless from the effort.

“I’m so sorry,” Alec spoke softly into his ear, his arms wrapping around his waist and pulling him in. It took a moment for Magnus to realize he was shaking, tears flowing freely down his cheeks. He removed the helmet and pressed his face into Alec’s neck, dropping the bat to clutch his boyfriend’s shirt, and forced himself to take deep breaths. “If I could go back and stop all of this from happening, I would.”

“I know,” Magnus answered. “I know you would.”

They stayed like that for another few minutes, taking comfort in each other’s presence, until Magnus eventually stepped back and met Alec’s eyes.

“Thank you.” He returned the smile that Alec offered him and let out a soft chuckle as Alec gripped both of his hands and pulled him in to press a kiss to his hairline. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“You would be just fine,” Alec answered immediately without a trace of doubt in his voice. “But I like to think that I make things better than fine.”

Magnus rolled his eyes fondly and pulled him in for a proper kiss, smiling into the familiar warmth before he pressed their foreheads together. “You, Alexander Lightwood, are the best thing that has happened to me in a very, very long time.”

“Looks like I’m sticking around then, Mr. Bane.”

The words were teasing, lighthearted, but they meant more to Magnus than Alec would ever know, because they were proof that even if he had lost a big part of who he was, Alec still saw him for the person he was behind the sparks of magic and deliberate shows of power. He was still loved, still seen, and maybe that was enough.

Maybe  _he_  was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, I'm on tumblr as magnusbicon!


End file.
